move house. ban jia.

Notice : Moving

2005-08-04T23:54:00.000+08:00

hello all.

my blog ends here.

just as one phase of my life has passed and another awaits me.

as such, i'm closing down this blog in a week from now so please update your links or whatever.

it's moved to :

http://reflux.diaryx.com

my new email address will be listed there as well.

so make a move on now.

hello world

2005-08-04T01:12:00.000+08:00

hello all. am back finally.

havent got much to say since it's getting busy at school. work, tutorial, assignment and projects are pouring in.

just a short note to inform all that my email address has changed.
will email you all abt it. if you dont get the email, just ask me at my old email add. i'll be using it till the end of the month before shutting down the account. yahoo gives me too much spam man. or you cld also tag/drop a comment right here if it's easier.

thanks. take care all.

p/s. apologies abt the rough turnout, in process of blogmoving. will move soon & update the new url.

a whole new world

2005-07-17T09:27:00.000+08:00

so then i have returned. from somewhere beneath where there is no internet and computers so i couldnt possibly have updated this thrashy blog haha.

anyhow it's been a great time prior to leaving sg, had loads fun with dota-ing late at night, mahjong-ing as well & of course the last dinner. thanks to everyone for a wonderful send off at the airport. and for the gifts too.

anyway, on to update you guys of how things are here.
it's been a real hassle so far, finally getting my apartment lease settled. it's $450/week for 2 bedroom apartment, and i'm gonna be sharing with a fellow sg'rean. one of my mom's frd's son. so yep, then spent loads of time n energy hunting for furniture since it's totally unfurnished. probably because the place is brand new itself. haha. spent loads at IKEA n the electrical shop getting everything and i dont even think everything is settled yet. i'm just taking a break here now at a cybercafe to check mail n all that gibberish, before i have to resume being a carpenter upstairs in my little pad.

weather here is cold and dry too, so i'm getting lots of cracked skin and catching a cold. blah.

will update more soon. take care all of you.

p/s. i miss you hella hella loads dear; u'd never believe it.

a private note.

2005-05-30T11:12:00.000+08:00

patience and perseverance.

it's been so long.

a weekend filled with immeasureable immense joy and happiness.

silent contentment. complete satisfaction.

it's been so long.

it's been too long.

thank you, dear. for everything.

lord vader, rise.

2005-05-24T12:43:00.000+08:00

i didn't even realise it's been close to a month since i last updated, oh well life is always busy busy busy for me haha. same old mundane life hasn't changed much, working still. only difference now is that instead of my previous weekend night shifts, i've switched to weekday morning shifts, which basically translates to normal office working hours. and i have realised that this makes the days much more productive. like i used to sleep at 4am or so, get up at 4pm to come to work, finish work then go back home, go online for a bit and read, talk on the phone and then sleep. and this went on for a couple of months, meaning i was practically devoid of any productive life for the better part of a year. which is quite a sad thing i suppose.

on the other hand, now i get up early at about 8 plus to drag my sad ass down to work, then finish at 530pm and i can still have time to walk around town, enjoy dinner and all that. it's like a revival, a reincarnation (okay maybe not so severe but yea you get the idea) of my previous lifestyle, where enjoyment, and not workaholicism was the centre of my focus.

things are getting more enjoyable as the days pass, for reasons known only to a mere few i consider dear to me. on that note, i solemnly acknowledge that i haven't really been spending time with all of you, but i'm sure you all understand, no doubt.

episode III was no disappointment, unlike george lucas' previous two attempts at a blockbuster continuation of a classic trilogy. i think it's pretty much fantastic, and it links up really well with the following parts of the trilogy ep. 4, 5, 6. unfortunately though, i think the scriptwriter should get the sack for his overdone cheesy & corny lines. and just when i thought i was an avid star wars fan, i see groups of americans walking around cineleisure in jedi robes with their hair braided up, and little kids waving red lightsaber toys about in the cinema. hahaha. i should have just worn my carpet from home then i could be chewbacca at the cinema !

my days are numbered. i've less than 2 months before i'm due to leave for sydney. bah. i dont really wish to talk about that though. most people would probably be a little more enthusiastic and excited about that than me, but then they wouldnt have the same concerns/reasons that i do for not really wanting to go just yet. if only they offered a degree in star wars knowledge or something like that. haha. Bachelor of Science Fiction (Star Wars) like BScf (SW) or something like that. i'm quite sure i would have sufficient motivation to ensure i get first class honors for that qualification. then i could just get a job at skywalker ranch or Industrial Light and Magic or some subsidiary company owned by good ol' george lucas then i can climb the corporate ladder and eventually be a sith lord/jedi master. though sith are evil by nature, i must say that sith lightning is quite a handy skill to have haha. customer at egames who refuses to pay for his computer usage shall get a nice dose of electrification to ensure prompt and accurate payment. i'm crapping but we all can dream, can't we ?

i had very nearly forgotten the whole meaning of having a life, of being able to do things like walk the streets of town, stroll into shops and browse at items you don't even wish to purchase, try out new and different food places and all. though of course in place of all these, i had the joys (and pains) of endless mahjong and dota. as such, in light that i'll be leaving after not-so-long, time shall be prioritized for those close to me, and work will soon end when i quit after 2-3 more weeks.

but for now, back to reality. i'm stuck at egames, working, for another 4 more hours. urgh.

peekaboo

2005-04-30T04:48:00.000+08:00

aha. just as all you blog whores thought i was dead and good riddance, i am revived. but only because i cannot sleep so i have decided to blog some shit.

busy busy busy. work work work. again, my life revolves around work. i think i will grow up to become a workaholic in future, whereby i will have no time for nearly everything else. no time to do sports, no time for friends, maybe no time even for a wife. but hmmm maybe i would still have time for zouk on wednesday nights in tribute to the zouk-loyal friends of mine haha. but yes, you get the idea, i am a workaholic. don't blame me, it runs in the blood just like my old man.

and as a result of work, i earn a salary. a meagre one, but still better than zilch. which makes me think, money does make the world go round after all. i've seen/felt/experienced enough to be able to confidently say that it does. it isn't exactly ideal, but i guess it isnt bad either. i mean, can you imagine us having to deal with barter trade in the 21st century? "hey, entry to zouk will cost you 2 bananas and half an apple on normal days, but for tonight's event we are charging a flat rate of half a watermelon and 2 papayas" hell no i rather have crumply notes in my wallet than to have to lug a sack of bartering fruits around.

did quite a bit of shopping the last couple weeks too, and picked up some quality stuff. oh to all the fans like me out there, nautica has a storewide 30% sale at taka so drag your (& your respective gf/bf) asses there right this moment.

zouking has been good, mahjong not too bad, just sleeping hours still out of whack. damn. that's all i can think to say now at 5am in the wee morning with a dead brain.

i stumbled across this on someone else's blog but i quite like it. so sue me for plagiarism huh. anyway, isn't that a novel idea? to capture a moment like this. to share a kiss, falling in love, as the world passes you by, in your own little impregnable bubble world.

oh and NEWSFLASH : STAR WARS EP III TICKETS FOR GV ON SALE STARTING 1st MAY GO RAPE THE ONLINE BOOKINGS WITH ME

- . - . - . -

2005-03-27T01:51:00.000+08:00

the great day has finally come and gone. i think most guys that do blog will have a spit or two about this. ord loh. haha. yes the kick is not as great as we thought it would be, but it's a most welcome bit in our life still. it signals the end of one phase, onto another upcoming. nevertheless, it was an interesting 2 yrs, despite not lasting in combat for more than 2 mths for me hurhur.

had a footy game earlier on this morning and shared some small talk with fellow teammates. all jiving about how i used to be a fit fellow with respectable skills on the pitch, my devotion to the passion for the sport (apparently the occurance abt my vomiting blood during fitness training found its way far far away, which ended up in a lot of mockery this morning when everyone goes "oh look im william i love soccer its the best *vomit blood gesture* oh help im dying im puking blood" 0_o

it makes me wonder. i used to achieve so much, to succeed in the rights that i so aspired. true enough, i used to train on a daily basis. even on days without training i would run endlessly on the track and spend hours on the pitch practising free kicks and corners and all sorts of deadball situations till dark. and i did all these on my own free will, voluntarily. i never wanted to make myself muscular or buff or anything enviable, i just did it so i could perform well on the pitch, to be that little difference btwn my team and the opposing one.

and now when i look at myself, and the current bulge of what used to be a training-hardened-six-pack, i cant help but feel sad. my footy skills have deproved a great deal, and i doubt i can last half as long as i used to be able to. now all i can do are short bursts before i soon have to bend over gasping rapidly for intakes of air. well yes, i actually lasted the whole match today, but my performance was way under-par by my standards. i dont think i can even say i'm now a shadow of my past self. that would be a severe understatement.

i know, it's just a comparison for footy, but it's an analogy i've chosen. it actually depicts my entire life changing processes in many more other aspects. like i said, i'm no longer what i used to be, no longer the person i was before. and i certainly hope i can get back there, with the motivation i once had to achieve anything and everything soon. cos now i know how it really feels to be an under-achiever when the potential is all there.

the art of bastarding

2005-03-16T01:17:00.000+08:00

undoubtedly the most boring and unproductive day i've had this year to date, spent 8 hrs at the driving centre with the purpose of clearing the mandatory attendance for theory lessons before being able to book a test date. i guess it'll be useful for those who have yet to sit for theory tests, but for those who have already passed the tests at an earlier time? one word for this inefficient system - retarded.

went down to this new place at clarke quay - gotham penthouse, with the guys last night. it wasn't too bad, but it's nothing spectacular either. though i gotta admit it's really been quite a while since i've last had boon tong kee chicken rice and i have a sudden craving for it right now. but since zo has his thesis that i partially own btk, i guess i will have to deal with this urge on my own. if i cld drive i wld just go and get a serving of it right this moment, but damn it i have no licence yet (no jacking me pls). if u share the same urge, pls end my misery and call me out for some btk asap pls.

high point of the day wld be receiving my confirmation of acceptance from uni of new south wales. it doesnt make me any happier to leave my buddies here in sgp, but i hope everyone dear to me understands my unenviable position. i have no proper uni to go to shld i stay here, and in any case, anyone that has known me for a considerable amount of time would know that i have no love for the local education system. i dont think that it is weak, but rather, it just suits certain individual personalities, of which i am not. so i guess my departure for downunder is pretty much confirmed since i have to make deposit payments and reply the uni within a fortnight, only thing left is when i will actually physically leave the land which has born and bred me for the past 20 yrs.

realised i've been going out much more and spending loads more time with friends, going out, hanging out, even to the extent of doing nothing at times. and it's on nights like tonight when i'm not at work, and my frds are busy with their own activities, when i'm alone at home with peace and quiet about, that my mind starts scampering about wildly in a million different directions.

physical attachment, or the lack of it, is apparently getting to me again. not depression mind you, but just a certain localised loneliness and solitude. localised because it's not absolutely empty; there is something, just that it hasn't and can't be realised for a while. and i'd be lying if i said it doesnt affect me at all. i'd wager ten grand that any of my past girlfriends would vouch that i'm relatively dependent on physical attachment (and don't say otherwise just for the money - i dont have that kinda $ yet). i know that's a fact of my emotionally-centered personality and i've no shame in admitting to it. we're all different people by nature and there's absolutely no use in denying what you know yourself to be. but that doesn't mean that we have to like every aspect of it either. as such, i guess i sort of wish i was of a more r/ship-independent personality, with regard to the way things are for me at this moment. regretting your path of travel in life through decisions made achieves nothing, and i certainly don't believe in regrets. even without success, everything can be a lesson learnt, it just depends on your perception of that situation.

some of my dudes are attached, others that aren't are well on their way to that level now. i'm happy for all of them (esp my fav camel), and i love their company as it has been for the past months. their time and efforts to keep me occupied in hanging out with them, as they know my periodic emotional instability due to certain constraints, do not go unappreciated. and now i feel like a bastard of a friend that i'll be leaving them in no later than 4 months time, barely a third of a year to new lands. though i will not abandon them inside where it counts, i've now learnt that sometimes, while the deepest affections matter a lot, physical contact must remain existent for relations to avoid disruption. with regards to what we discussed briefly over supper last night, i'd give almost anythg for a roughly even balance of physical and emotional attachment. it doesn't have to be in perfect harmonious balance, but having one without the other is purely thrashy in both friendships and r/ships, no less.

bear in mind though, this is just my own opinion on things; we all perceive things/situations in varied fashion. cheers.

.fuck.

2005-03-07T17:55:00.000+08:00

does torturing and tormenting a soul really give that kick? is that what life's aspiration is? if so, please enlighten me.

i'm sensitive by nature, oversensitive at times, or even perpetually, maybe. then knowing this obstacle could and would never be overcome, why drag it on?

leading someone on is one thing, but for a prolonged duration of months? thats quite inhuman even by my standards, as inhumane as i may already be.

it's an established fact that i'm more of an emotional person than a rational one. i lead with my eyes but i run with my heart.

if the feelings aren't there, don't pretend that they are, and certainly don't assume that the lack of it can be overlooked. because. it. cant.

fuck.

nuff said.

ramblings

2005-03-01T03:22:00.000+08:00

february's gone and done with, march approaches. the month of ord for me and my guys - the freedom we've been seeing at the end of the long long long tunnel finally arrives. such reprieve.

work for life? if u play warcraft3 then u'd know the human peon goes "work work" , "more work" , "yes m'lord" - i'm starting to sound like that nowadays.

is it really true that money makes the world go round? i'm not entirely certain that it does, but i'm definitely absofuckinglutely (ur word kim :P) sure it cant be that it doesn't. hence my rather extreme attitude towards working. upcoming friday's andrew's bday, and i had to think twice abt cancelling my shift at work or making arrangements to change it. this makes me label myself despicable. i would bet my house no one would catch me having to ponder about such a situation any time prior to attaining this work-for-life mentality; it's simply so straightforward a decision, yet i had to carefully consider and weigh the options. i am disappointed in myself.

so then, a very happy birthday to desimonster (28 feb) who's in brunei right now, and to andrew indochine boy (1 mar), whom i just buttraped about 4 hours ago at his place upon the stroke of midnight. lorenzo the ever witty person had it videod down on handphone camera but for the little kiddies who are unsuitable to watch anything above the NC16 rating, i will not post it here (no its not because i am embarrassed at myself doing a homemade-semi-softpornflick 0_o) as i have rated it R21 hurhur.

once again tertiary education options beckon as the time draws nearer to make a choice. which is where my dilemma begins, thus my unending procrastination to make a fully conscious choice. keep hoping and praying for acceptance into smu (local) , go to monash (melbourne) , or go to queensland (brisbane). it's basically business courses (smu, monash) vs semi-business, semi-sportsstudies (queensland). and i cant decide though i know i eventually will have to.

that's the thing abt being of a emotional/sensitive nature - the inability to put down things that shouldnt really matter that much in logical terms. and this applies across the board, in many aspects, not just this alone. i wont deny that oversensitivity/emotional attachments always get the better of my logical side, and there really isn't much i can do about it. it's caused sufficient problems for my r/ships, for my friendships, and now it's affecting my education/future.

do you ever wish you would just perish and die in some freak accident? no im not suggesting suicidal thoughts or anythg of that sort, but i just feel a little sick of life. bit by bit i lose the drive to push on in life, to achieve, to realise my aspirations (or whatever similiar i have) , and basically to live on. i know we all only live once, but so what? don't u stop doing something the moment you get sick of it? playing too much computer games will get you sick of it and wouldn't u stop playing then? same applies to almost anything, where you've hit that point of 'i've had enough of this, time to move on'. so why cant that same theory be applied to life itself as a whole? i'm not doing anything now anyway, rotting my life away, working like a mad man on 2 hrs sleep and earning money for what-i-do-not-know, practically living on a day-to-day basis , trying to be happy-go-lucky but generally failing to even keep happy. can that then be justified to wish for death to grapple you? maybe like a piano falling twenty stories and smashing you to smithereens or getting struck by lightning and dropping dead, lifeless within a second? yes i know i'm a wuss i dont wish to die in pain and agony. or maybe getting crashed by a car racing along at 300kmh wouldnt hurt either - that's a lil more realistic/possible.

this is one such moment where i wish i wld just lie in bed and die a painless death, simply for i've had enough of life. pessimism/optimism/positivity/negativity/happy times/bad times - i've had enough of all that dung. time to move on - only up or down. but one thing's for sure. upon my timely departure, i'll go off with no regrets. just like keanu reeves in constantine - floating off to wherever with a third finger sticking out - fuck life.

work for life

2005-02-21T01:57:00.000+08:00

finally another week has gone and passed, bringing april/may nearer to the present from the future, which gives me reason to be chirpy, as i've been the past coupla days. to a certain extent, the saying that the beginning of every day will determine how the rest of the day will go, is rather true. and i've now come to believe in the irrefutable truth of that.

aspirations/wants/needs. the difference amongst them? you only know when you go thru it and experience it for yourself, then you will learn the true meaning of priority/necessity.

i'm.. in short, devoid of my life. haven't done much lately, and sad to say, i've not even caught the latest flick constantine which pals never fail to remind me of. something about smoking 30 packs a day? i gotta watch the show sometime soon, though by the time i get to, it'll be over. so speaks the story of my life. so then one customer walks into egames earlier this evening and upon seeing me at the counter (again), goes "hey its you again? wah you really no life ah? everyday see u working here, people your age should be out having fun and enjoying time with friends, not work work work cos you have lots of time to do that later in life, and by then u will regret but it will be too late." in response i simply smiled, rather speechless at what to answer him with. my new motto for the time being - work for life.

ideas for another tattoo surface bit by bit, but i know im financially inadept to acquire one, but we still can dream, can't we? opinions man, i need opinions.

that's karma, in chinese. kinda like the innate meaning it holds, cos im a strong believer in karma now (i.e. you play bastard, bastard will play you)

that's life - in chinese as well. i dont really know why i was so attracted to this particular word but i guess i just like the ambiguity of it.

much more time on my hands now, since im officially off camp thanks to a cunning mishmash plan of physiotherapy, off, leave and training. so much time, yet so little work to do. i needa find another job.

so then, constantine anyone? i'd hate to catch a show alone but the choice ain't mine, as it often isn't.

one

2005-02-13T01:58:00.000+08:00

certain things in life we all go through, we wish it would happen once and only once. after that occurrence, we never want to relive it. but from this solitary experience, we learn. we learn enough to know that well, it's simply over and done with now so leave it behind and don't go back there. because we have the knowledge of what it holds, and in turn, that brings about a fear that strikes us boldly.

a one-time-only experience, sort of like living on the edge of a cliff. its either you survive right there where you're happy and contented, or you fail to establish any sort of fundamental stability and as a result, drop all the way down, never able to scale up to that height again because of the permanent injuries sustained on the way down. which is also why you wouldn't even want to go back up. the harsh memories of that once-upon-a-time and only-one-try period will always remind u of the apparent potential for failure.

i tell myself time and again, and now as well, that i will attempt it this one time only, and should it fail, i will never trample on these grounds again. for i know what promise it holds for success, as well as the greater promise it holds for failure.

as such, this entry serves as testimony to a promise i make to only myself.

none

2005-02-11T16:38:00.000+08:00

and so the festive season has passed once again, a year out and now we're into the year of the rooster. horoscope/chinese zodiac has it that in this year of the rooster, those born in the year of the rat (such as myself) will:

1) have bad gambling luck - so no more gambling for me
2) have a busy social life - so time to become a hermit and play CM4 @ home
3) those who don't already have one, will find their potential soulmate - more for clement than me or anyone else hahaha
there's actually a lot more but i cant remember the rest of it.

been doing a lot of nonsense lately, as well as working like a mad man. fri/sat/sun nights are my permanent slots at work which means i get little/no sleep over weekends. and so my only saving grace is that i can get some sleep during weekdays. but apparently not so this week, since i spent nearly the entire week out late at nights. been crashing at zo's and emman's place gambling away and staying up the whole night. i usually can be found face down on my bed/pillows the following day at home.

in general, things have been going rather well - nice, smooth and snazzy, a nice start to this new lunar year. hopefully this is merely a taste of things to come, then i would love to go thru the whole year - last year was a total trashcan; hopefully it's being made up to me this time round. but naturally u can't really have everything in life, or in a lunar year either. certain successes will be realised while others have to bear the brunt of disappointment. one word : priority - defines it all. which is why i decided to spend last night after work at home instead of at emman's place getting wasted and gambling my angpaos away haha.

Maserati Gransport - that's just sweet; an aspiration to get one before i perish and die

moving on

2005-02-03T16:05:00.000+08:00

another month has passed and now it's feb already. three days into the new month and many things have happened as well as changed already.

master driver lorenzo escano has finally faltered. i will not delve into details but i suspect anyone can guess what happened, judging by the comments on my tagboard at the side, most in condemnation of cabbies. lol. no worries man zo, it's all over already so just leave it back and move on yea? i will still gladly take rides in your car man cos u are still quite master driver, just that now is become cat B no more cat A haha.

two years have blown past in the army, something impt to guys. girls prob couldn't care less abt this but this is a significant point in a singaporean male's life, where he regains his freedom and is no longer dogchained by the spore gahmen. on top of that, it offers him a chance to let his brain cells start functioning once again, after 2 long years of being dormant when we very nearly became vegetables. for most, 3/4 yrs of university education beckons ahead but prior to that, btwn now and june/july which is when term starts, it is time for fun fun and more fun, nothing else. time to rot away the days, burn your time since you've so much on hand and take holidays. of course finding a part time job would be good but well that's not really a must now , is it? haha.

the guys (des clem zo) are prob heading for europe in april, going to london, french alps and someplace else i think. would love to join them but personal commitments take priority. maybe another time yea, guys, hope you all can understand my situation, would appreciate if u would.

this is quite out of point but i was just thinking, i have this funny craving to want to be at wall street next time, hopefully donning a nice working attire while at work and mingling with the rest of the american working crowd. i wonder what it's like to be surrounded by busy people all around, rushing here and there, and to be enveloped in the middle of it. i know it sounds insane but i think it is some sort of sightseeing experience in its own way, to feel the pressure of people all around yourself and how it is their way of life.

i don't particularly want to settle down and stay here in spore for the rest of my life, that's for sure. twenty sore years here is enough for me and it's time to move along and out of this island of a country which is too small to keep me occupied for another twenty years. to a certain extent, i feel a tad bit claustrophobic here, as i long for the endless highways and greens that are so readily available for my appreciation in america, britain, or australia (of course i would still have to end up in a developed/semi-developed country). as such i guess it makes sense to say that i'm gonna drag my ass out of this town asap, with or without my tertiary education intact, and build my career elsewhere, hopefully america. there's nothing absolutely wonderful about the states as im sure kim would agree with me but i just want the endless space, the dynamic boundaries that can nearly never be completely visited. and yes i want to travel all 52 states once i've settled there.

call me unpatriotic if you will but that's what 2+ years of army time does to your mind/sense of belonging.

-

2005-01-31T14:14:00.000+08:00

i dont usually make entries with lyrics in them but at this point of time, i think this is the most appropriate way to sum up thoughts within my mind.

The Beatles - Let It Be

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be. yeah
There will be an answer, let it be.

And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me,
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be,
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

bored to boards

2005-01-28T15:42:00.000+08:00

still haven't gone back to camp yet, sigh. i bet its gonna be so sian once i really do have to go back to camp, prob next week. bleah.
went for training on wed, had a tiring session cos i wanted to work out. was supp to go running with zo n clem but we decided against it, in favour of playing hotel, the board game at zo's place. haha yes, we are all like gay little kiddies who have nothing better to do than to play board games and playstation 2 winning eleven. don't judge us xP beginner's luck was with me so i was the ultimate hotelier haha (trick is to build many phases free hahaha). slacked around a bit before changing up to go down to zouk. mild drinking and moderate dancing made it a blahblah night before coming home for rest.
skipped everything on thurs again before going down to clem's place to try to fix up his virus infected computer; i should start charging for my computer repair services, i think i could make quite a bit hurhur. joined zo n andrew in town later in the evening and we hung around, played a bit of pool before going back home for more interactive board game gay action haha. it was time for monopoly. played like mad freaks again with a new interesting rule - each vulgarity uttered would make that player contribute 10 monopoly dollars to the freeparking fund. that was a serious kick to the game haha. played till late then grabbed a quick supper at adam before heading home.
am up now on fri afternoon, gonna go to work soon. sigh. the weekend is here. most people enjoy the weekends and even look forward to them, but i guess i don't. isn't really much for me to look forward to during the weekends, not any more. my weekends are just a simple cycle: work, sleep, get up, go to work, sleep, get up, go to work, sleep. and then after that it's monday already. no interaction time on weekends. none, zero, nil, zilch. oh well. it's quite a sad thing but i guess i'm not all that sociable anyway either so it doesn't bother me, not much at least.
cny is around the corner so let's hope we all get nice big fat red packets laden with moolah. and we can play more board games too!! lol

homey

2005-01-25T22:14:00.000+08:00

did more homey stuffs today - did some gardening like plucking the weeds and watering the plants and all, then did some painting of the walls of the house to get it looking nice and white for the new year visitations. quite a productive afternoon i might say.

cabbed down to ghim moh market for kopi with my driving instructor, sat down and had good laughs for a good 2 hrs. i think i seem to click better with older people haha suddenly i feel so old and i'm not even 21 yet haha.

my bio clock is seriously screwed. i tried so hard to sleep early the past 2 nights, getting into bed at 12+ to 1am but to no avail. i can't sleep. tossed and turned till i finally fell asleep at abt 3+ which seems to be my body's auto shut down time now, which is not good cos i have to go to camp tmr morning (finally again) and i'm so gonna die with a severe lack of sleep. and i've training in the noon too. sigh.

i even tried counting sheep last night. i got to about four hundred and twenty before i lost count cos my hp beeped a new msg. double sigh.

change

2005-01-25T01:46:00.000+08:00

how is it that certain events/experiences change a person? i don't get it sometimes. i mean, how do u know or how do u determine what kind of impact it has before it can change a person? and if those events/experiences change u for the future, then is it still considered "living in the past"? is there some sort of richter scale by which we can judge whether it changes us or not?

do we learn the lessons at hand then move on with that newfound knowledge?
sorta like how u have to learn to walk and fall down in the process before u can run?

beats me.

anyhow i changed the pic on my sidebar. yes that little fella with his arms raised is me hahaha. and i conjured up some big green powerful looking thingy. don't ask why it's green, the picture is like that haha

lance type R

2005-01-24T21:37:00.000+08:00

a most eventful day today - for the later part of it that is.

was planning to go to camp (finally :P) this morning, and was all set till about 630am when i got a most unexpected phone call, which meant i didn't go to camp in the end. haha. awol, yet again. 3rd week in a row already, and i realised i haven't seen my boss in person since before xmas. haha. but it was well worth it - i'd receive such calls any day and skip camp most willingly :))

spent most of the day at home cleaning up the house, helped my parents repair and replace lights that burnt out and other domestic cleaning. feel sorta obliged to help out my folks also anyway so it's all good.

went with zo and andrew for a jog at spe/smu but was mostly at botanical gardens. ran about 3 klick and now i know my problem. it's not that i'm unfit (not that i'm damn fit either, mind you) but my fucking bilateral degenerating ankles are a real piss off. a serious piss off. managed till about half the distance before i had to stop cos my ankles felt like they were gonna drop out - literally. like *plop* and off go my ankles; oh my god i left my ankles behind! i think i really have to start taking the stupid glucosamine sulphate on a more regular basis - i'm not even taking them now though it was prescribed for my degenerating bilateral knees and ankles. managed to complete the whole circuit anyway. went down to smu for a quick meetup with some pals - sam jas chris yiqi and dinner at haven before going back to zo's place which is where im blogging from now.

so here's the long-awaited highlight of my day.
was in zo's car on the way back from smu when we drove past watten estate. we knew beforehand that clem was there playing mahjong at a frd's place so we knew his bike was there. took a quick stop with the intention to move his bike across the road (manually - by pushing) so he'd get a shocker when he finished his mahjonging. but surprise surprise, he left his keys in the keyhole. yes, i know he's a total moron. but so then *dingdong* we got an idea. zo took the keys and rode clem's bike home and i drove back. it's quite near so safety is no issue; zo rode the bloody bike without a helmet and im driving without a license but oh well. *evil smirk* we got so fucking high doing it and now clem's little honda wave 125cc is sitting in the bicycle shelter below next to zo's lancer. hahaha. i wonder what his reaction will be when he notices his bike missing. here's my guess:

clem: "oh fuck! my bike's missing! #@#^%&$@&#$(censored expletives)!!!!!"

desmond (who's mahjonging there also): "what the fuck lar.. where's your keys?"

clem: "shit! nooooo i left them in the keyhole!!"

desmond: "you.are.a.fucking.moronic.idiot."

or something like that hahahahaha and now i wonder what's gonna happen. the thrill of youth haha.

so as a result of tonight's highly interesting activities, zo is richer by a new honda wave S 125cc and myself - i got a new mitsubishi lance type R. haha. -_-

on another note, new blogs that just came up :
lorenzo's blog - i had a hand in creating it haha
andrew's blog - umm.. i fixed his computer so i have a hand in making it work too haha.
eh u guys, i'm doing free advertising so u better pay me some premiums or loyalty money ah hurhurhur

sneeze

2005-01-21T16:03:00.000+08:00

over at zo's place now, was fixing up andrew's computer to get it working. tried fixing zo's too but it's a lost war haha. the two mad ficks are running about their rooms trying to tidy/pack up their messy lives, and i'm caught smack in the middle of all the dust particles floating freely in the air *sneeze*

had a not-so-gd footy game earlier, got into somewhat of a fight (again lol) then dropped by serene centre macs to watch clem n des eat their lunch then came over. andrew cooked up some pasta and since we're a buncha hungry fags after a shackening game of ball, the taste and contents don't matter haha. j/k, he cooks quite well actually, something i sadly cannot say the same for my pathetic self.

hari raya today, so selamat hari raya to all the mats n minas. hope u all get many many green angpaos.
sam's birthday party on sat, so happy birthday to sam and kow. hope the party at thumper will be good shit n we'll all get pissed drunk.

gonna be working my ass off again this weekend, consecutive three night shifts in a row. i am so going to have massive eyebags and breakouts soon.

not really in the mood to write much - stuff lingering on my mind. quite bothersome but oh well, will just deal with it. cheers to all and have a gd long wkend.

-

2005-01-19T21:31:00.000+08:00

i hate uncertainty. because it fucks with your mind. nothing less.

ceiling

2005-01-19T13:58:00.000+08:00

worked thru the whole weekend. getting very little sleep. eyebags creeping up to my eyelids. uncontrollable outbreak of zits all over.

skipped camp this week again. haven't stepped into a camp for 2 wks now. my uniform still hangs on the wall. i love this. i love the thrill of awol. i wonder if i'll love the thrill of db though. haha.

watched kinsey on monday evening, went drinking and car-racing again on tues, gonna go kick ball later on. and the highlight of my week - i went jogging on monday with zo n clem at spe. hurhur. i managed to complete 1.6km n a short sprint. and i still live to tell the tale now! -_- u could say i surprised myself.

i've a stupid little analogy.

i sometimes think that life is like the ceiling in your room. mine's white color. that's how we all begin, pure and simple, nothing to tarnish the spotless surface. as we grow in age and undergo experiences, spots start appearing on the white. little spots for small events in our life, and big twats for more significant ones. the colors, it's a personal thing. for me, black signifies negative events while red signifies positive ones. so now my ceiling has black and red spots and twats. black for days like when i failed my chinese and got fucked over by my parents, when i pulled my hamstring, when i felt suicidal etc. and red for times when i was on all the overseas holidays with all the friends, when i got wasted but happy during my 20th bday celebration, when i finally do ord etc. so as i said, both big and small, black and red patterns adorn my ceiling of white.
my point is this : it's always easier to have something happen to u or something u think about that justifies a huge black twat, so big that it can cover up most of the ceiling and in that, most of the red spots. but to find something to form a huge red twat, it's almost impossible. big red twat, yes, but not huge. that rarely comes about, and i still haven't got that yet and it irks me. maybe it's just me, the way i am that i can always crash without even flying. but oh well, it would no doubt be cool if i could get the ceiling red. a nice big sea of even red. so even if black spots appear later on, at least the base is red already, and i take consolation in that.
and now i wish that i live in an open air house cos i can't help staring at the ceiling as i lie in bed without having these thoughts enter my livid mind.

ord mood

2005-01-14T15:16:00.000+08:00

it's been a fairly interesting week, but the one that really gets the icing on the cake is that i didn't step into camp at all this week. haha. and no, i'm not on leave nor on off. haha. so i successfully awol-ed my entire week away, happily getting up at 10am everyday and going about doing my own stuff. even my uniform is still hanging there waiting for me to put it on and it's been there the whole week. haha. oh well, the mentality of an ord soldier.

did some domestic stuff on mon & tues, met up with alicia n cheng on wed night. supper was intended, but we ended up going all over the island. went down to clementi lavazza for coffee, then drove up to mt. faber hill bistro for drinks and finger-food and nice gossip hahaha. then drove down to kranji war memorial state cemetery to sit down with the dead and look at the stars. never realised there were actually so many constellations, and of course i don't know all of them. we all only knew 'orion' aka the hunter's belt haha. caught a couple of shooting stars but didn't have enough warning to think up a wish. dang. left after a while around 3+ then drove down to changi to take a look at the transies there before going to a small road parallel to the airport runway. sat there playing with firecrackers, eating sandwiches, drinking pop drinks and smoking while talking nonsense. i was on the phone for most of the time though hurhur -_- left at 6 to get my ass back home and just as my mom was sending my sis to school, i walked thru the door. haha. shoulda seen the look on her face - total shock. haha. got online and talked to kim for a bit till 8+ then plopped in the sack till mid afternoon thursday.

went down to holland v to join clem n sam for lunch at crystal jade, then coffee at cbtl. sat down to chill and had a very "yuppie" bit to it, as clem says. yuppie at 20yrs old. RIGHT. went over to his place to slack for a bit then zo came over. had dinner before coming back to my place for mahjong till past midnight. talked on the phone for a bit before knocking out. and now i'm awake at 330pm on friday afternoon stoning my ass on my chair at home. i love ord. hurhur.

---------------------

read this :-

in soccer, there are no time outs. there are no helmets, no shoulder pads, no commercial breaks, no warm dugouts, no halftime extravaganza. so if that's what you need, play another sport. you wuss.

haha i found that damn amusing, thanks kimmie =)) it goes to show how mildly unpopular soccer is in the states opposed to other sports like football. and to play american football over soccer means you're a wuss? gee. that's a bit off, dont you think?

eureka!

2005-01-11T16:53:00.000+08:00

check this out:-

CHICAGO (Reuters) - A study published on Monday found that people who sleep less tend to be fat, and experts said it's time find if more sleep will fight obesity.

Monday's study from Eastern Virginia Medical School in Norfolk covered 1,000 people and found that total sleep time decreased as body mass index -- a measure of weight based on height -- increased.

Men slept an average of 27 minutes less than women and overweight and obese patients slept less than patients with normal weights, it said. In general the fatter subjects slept about 1.8 hours a week less than those with normal weights.

read more here:
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=571&e=1&u=/nm/health_sleep_dc

haha now i know my saving grace. more sleep hurhur :))

-

2005-01-10T13:07:00.000+08:00

it's been a relatively alright weekend, worked on fri night, then went out on sat. met up with ex-classmates and had lunch and some laughs with them till evening time. then joined sam chris jas yiqi kow zhongyi for dinner at california pizza kitchen, smoked like a chimney once again as we sat there for 2 hrs +. caught seed of chucky after that and hey it's not that scary a show haha i have officially graduated and now i have balls of steel. it was more of a comedy than anything, laughed my ass off the seat a couple of times too. went down to rouge for a bit after that then supper with the gang at glutton square. caught a ride home after that and crashed out at 3am. got up early sunday to drag my heavy ass to work at 10am, worked till 6pm then came home to have steamboat dinner. stoned at home and did some domestic stuff & talked on the phone for coupla hours till bedtime at 2.

its merely even a week but already, the past week feels so uber empty, it seems more like a whole fricking year. i hate that feeling, of uncertainty. blah. i think i shall work and work and work to distract and occupy myself till i crumble to bits.